Sunday, April 01, 2007

THE CRUSADER DECK – ACES


Ace of Spades – George W. Bush: President of the United States of America
Ace of Diamonds – James 'Jimmy' Carter: 39th U.S. President (Still Living)
Ace of Clubs – George H.W. Bush: 41st U.S. President (Still Living)
Ace of Hearts – William 'Bill' Clinton: 42nd U.S. President (Still Living)
THE CRUSADER DECK – KINGS


King of Spades – Richard 'Dick' Cheney
King of Diamonds – Paul D. Wolfowitz (CAPTURED)
King of Clubs – Oliver Lowell
King of Hearts – Admiral Mike Mullen
THE CRUSADER DECK – QUEENS


Queen of Spades – Condoleeza Rice
Queen of Diamonds – Nancy Pelosi
Queen of Clubs – Karen P. Hughes
Queen of Hearts – Hillary Rodham Clinton
THE CRUSADER DECK – JACKS


Jack of Spades – General George W. Casey
Jack of Diamonds – General T. Michael Moseley
Jack of Clubs – General James T. Conway
Jack of Hearts – Admiral Gary Roughead
THE CRUSADER DECK – TENS


Ten of Spades – David J. Lesar
Ten of Diamonds – William 'Bill' Gates
Ten of Clubs – Robert J. Stevens
Ten of Hearts – Roy E. Disney (CAPTURED)
THE CRUSADER DECK – NINES


Nine of Spades – Mel Martinez
Nine of Diamonds – Ben Bernanke
Nine of Clubs – Erik Prince
Nine of Hearts – Steven Spielberg
THE CRUSADER DECK – EIGHTS


Eight of Spades – Robert Gates
Eight of Diamonds – Henry M. Paulson, Jr.
Eight of Clubs – Jeb Bush (CAPTURED)
Eight of Hearts – Richard D. Parsons
THE CRUSADER DECK – SEVENS


Seven of Spades – Michael Chertoff
Seven of Diamonds – Steve Forbes
Seven of Clubs – Rudolph 'Rudy' Giuliani
Seven of Hearts – Jim Skinner
THE CRUSADER DECK – SIXES


Six of Spades – Rupert Murdoch (CAPTURED)
Six of Diamonds – Russell Simmons
Six of Clubs – Rush Limbaugh
Six of Hearts – Arthur Ochs Sulzberger, Jr.
THE CRUSADER DECK – FIVES


Five of Spades – Bill O'Reilly
Five of Diamonds – Hugh Hefner
Five of Clubs – John Hagee
Five of Hearts – Judy McGrath
THE CRUSADER DECK – FOURS


Four of Spades – Tim Kaine
Four of Diamonds – David S. Addington
Four of Clubs – David Rubenstein
Four of Hearts – Sonny Perdue
THE CRUSADER DECK – THREES


Three of Spades – Ann Coulter
Three of Diamonds – Arianna Huffington
Three of Clubs – Wendy Wright
Three of Hearts – Paris Hilton
THE CRUSADER DECK – TWOS


Two of Spades – William ‘Bill’ Kristol and Robert Kagan
Two of Diamonds – Lawrence 'Larry' Page and Sergey Brin
Two of Clubs – Mark Sanford and Mike Easley
Two of Hearts – Ethan Zuckerman and Rebecca MacKinnon
THE CRUSADER DECK – JOKERS


Joker Black – Central Intelligence Agency (CIA)
Joker Red – The Republican Party (GOP)

THE CRUSADER DECK

A few smart asses from Iranian intelligence (VEVAK) have just published a pack of 'Personality Identification Playing Cards', apparently using the Saudi flag as a watermark in order to obscure their origin.

So much for that brilliant plan.

Anyway, the cards ostensibly depict key U.S. figures most wanted by the Pan Moslem Coalition of Combined Forces.

–The deck is obviously someone's idea of a joke but one diplomat I know and with whom I am exchanging electronic correspondence insists they are indeed "people of interest".

But President Bush? Really?

Of course, Murdoch (6/Spades) and Wolfowitz (K/Diamonds) were forcibly taken into custody last December while attending a Media and Public Policy Conference in Melbourne, and that's no laughing matter.

Roy Disney (10/Hearts) and Jeb Bush (8/Clubs) were also scooped up as well, in January, just after PMC Special Forces rolled into Florida and burned a hole through Disney World.

You can bet that right now all four of those guys are playing checkers in an undisclosed maximum security prison in the Indian Ocean, –probably on the island of Nusa Kambangan, which has been called the 'Alcatraz of Indonesia' and makes Guantanamo Bay look like a five star resort.

Still, the word in the field is any grunt who nabs one of the remaining individuals gets a tidy bonus payable in gold dinars.

In addition to being something of a hit list, The Crusader Deck is also a hit on the black market. My contacts in Doha say every Mid East hipster from Tehran to Tangiers has a copy.

Anyway, I've uploaded the complete deck to a secure Al Jazeera server and will try to post as many here as I can. Click the label at the bottom of this post that reads 'The Crusader Deck' to see the whole deck. Click on any set of four cards to open a new tab or window to view those cards at print size.

The world is changing. Let's not get left behind.

Siraj