Thursday, March 22, 2007

Hey, I got another story published on the website last night. Not that it's good news. In fact, it' s looking bad, so why do I feel like celebrating?



From Al Jazeera International

12:02 PM Mecca time, 9:02 AM GMT
By Siraj Talal (Embedded in North Carolina)

Rapture or Rupture: Evangelicals and Weapons of Mass Destruction

Today at a press conference, Indonesian Military Chief Air Marshall Djoko Suyanto suggested that the Special Forces were lingering at their positions while analysts in Indonesia were examining reports pertaining to the discovery of a trove of partially burnt documents in Western North Carolina which detailed designs of missiles, bombs and nuclear weapons in a hastily abandoned safe house in the Asheville area.

One recovered document included A 39-page memo recovered from a laptop computer thought to belong to a member of PURE who abandoned the device during a recent raid by PMC Forces. Those who have seen the memo say it reads like an Bombmaking For Dummies. Forget military explosives or fancy detonators, it lectured. Instead, the manual advised a shopping trip to a hardware store or pharmacy, where all the necessary ingredients for a Crusader attack are stocked on the shelves.

"Make use of that which is available at your disposal and... bend it to suit your needs, improvise rather than waste valuable time becoming despondent over that which is not within your reach," counseled the author of the memo, Erland Roos, a Christian Extremist and retired technical expert with the US Navy and part of the original team from Norfolk that provided data analysis of the USS Cole (DDG 67) after the attack on it in Aden, Yemen, on Oct. 12, 2000, killing 17 and wounding 33. In the document, Roos is reported to have written that he developed his keep-it-simple philosophy by "observing senior planners" during his years of service to the US military.

But it is unclear whether the documents are actually US military in origin; or whether they were found by or delivered to a person or persons with ties to a Crusader militia.

As a result, combined, cooperative Malaysian and Indian special forces units have begun searching for potential weapons of mass destruction sites throughout the Appalachian chain, but have so far made no substantial finds.

"We know of 5 licensed commercial nuclear reactors in North Carolina, not to mention General Electric’s recent relocation of its nuclear energy division to Williamston, North Carolina," Djoko Suyanto noted.

"We are certain the US military diverts some of these radioactive byproducts to military industry and the creation of weapons of mass destruction for so-called defensive purposes. Thankfully, so far, none of it seems to have gotten into the hands of terrorists, although," the Chief Air Marshall further cautioned, "it is probably only a matter of time before the Americans lose control of some portion of their nuclear, biological or chemical stockpile, and we are attempting to learn whether or not that has already happened before we leave the country."

"The problem," Suyanto continued, "–is that the Christian Extremists recruit American and European military personnel, so even though we can damage their civilian terrorist network, it is really up to the US and the European governments to root out these criminals from the inside out. Although of course," the Chief Air Marshall added, "We would be more than happy to execute this task ourselves."