Friday, January 12, 2007

Lo!

I've been recently informed that a deal has in fact been struck between the US government and the Pan Moslem Coalition member countries.

An uncorroborated source says that in a secret deal Bush has actually granted PMC forces a free pass to continue operations in the mountains for a week, maybe two, in return for ending the oil embargo. In reciprocal fashion, the Coalition has promised to lift the embargo upon their departure from US waters, but only if they are allowed to finish the job they came to do. This information is said to come directly from a source within the White House.

Washington, of course, publicly denies any cooperation with those it calls 'participants to an illegal incursion on US territory'.

But in the meantime Indian and Indonesian Army Counter Crusader Units parade through the mountains of North Carolina with seeming impunity, motivated by explicit orders to extract a group of American citizens, and no one seems hell bent on stopping them, so you figure it out.

The same source claims that as leverage –in order to insure that the Bush/Cheney nexus will execute America's end of the bargain as agreed–, Coalition forces have promised to place several teams of Super Snipers near US government installations, mostly throughout the Southeastern United States. The snipers have orders to shoot randomly and kill specifically, in order to create chaos and create internal distraction, should word arrive the President has reneged on the agreement, and Coalition Forces have to evacuate under threat of fire or capture.

Well, a deals a deal and I guess that seems fair.

Barring such a measure, and as before –Cinderella Castle notwithstanding–, the PMC has promised to limit violence against civilians and property. The bombing of cities, villages and refugee camps, is expressly prohibited.

Certainly the men I travel with still expect to meet with pockets of resistance amongst local communities, but no one wants to hurt an innocent American civilian –it hasn’t happened yet, and from what I have seen, nobody here has an itchy trigger finger and everybody here is a professional.

Everyone knows death is bad for business.

Well, if it is true, and if this deal is not an open secret yet, it will be soon. Al Jazeera has agreed to sit on the story for a few days, at least until they can root out corroborating sources. But what happens if some blogger hears about this first? I actually hope the story will be leaked, because it would be nice for these Indians and Indonesian kids to get back home without a one of them getting shot. We are already on high alert having heard there is increased movement amongst the local community Christian Identity groups, which are numerous.

Apparently there is no shortage of Christian fundamentalists who believe that Armageddon has finally arrived, and now they feel they have an obligation to help it along. Sometimes I think we all have more to fear from our own countrymen than we do from foreign forces, even they have set up a command post in your own backyard.

On that note, it seems lately like we are at the center of a series of concentric circles, and each formed band represents either a Pan Moslem Unit holding American forces at bay; or an American unit intent on keeping Coalition Cowboys from overstepping defined boundaries. It's a win-win situation for the military. Everybody sees some action, gets some experience and goes home with medals, excepting those of course who go home in a body bag.

I can't help but think that if the incursion has been so efficiently organized, as it absolutely has, and with nary a bullet fired thus far, then why are we sleeping in tents in the mountains. How come someone didn’t just book us rooms at a Residence Inn? As I see it, the incursion could have been a boost the local economy instead of a drag on the entire country.

Picture it:

The city of Boone welcomes OPEC, ASEAN and representatives from the Organization of Islamic Conference to the first Pan Moslem Coalition conference in the Carolinas. Whether you want adventure, or just want to relax, be sure to pick up a complimentary copy of the North Carolina Travel Guide for exciting ideas and restful stops in North Carolina. Now, y'all don't get yourselves killed and have a good time!

By the way, actually there has been one shot fire. One of our snipers bagged a buck. Tonight we're eating venison for dinner.

SIRAJ!