Friday, December 22, 2006

Selamat Datang!

Well, my friends, that’s it for me in Kuala Lumpur! I’m finally being evacuated –er, I mean transferred– if you can believe it –tonight! In the middle of the night! –And by military air transport, too, of all things.

No, I’m not the subject of a rendition, ha!

I’m being sent to the Gulf of Mexico where I’m to collect background for reports on the 'War on Evil' for Al Jazeera. I was hoping Doha would send me to London, but there is too much action in the Americas. So, in the last 24 hours I’ve managed to give away most of what I brought to Kuala Lumpur in the first place. At this point, I'm left with nothing but a duffel bag of clothes, my iPod and a laptop.

Latest breaking news I've just received directly from AJI (and probably being packaged for broadcast as I write this): USA warships have sunk two Indonesian patrol boats off the coast of Corpus Christi. And I'm told that inmates at Guantanamo Bay have already hung up signs welcoming the Coalition Navy. So, obviously, Coalition leaders have rejected Bush’s calls to halt either extraordinary renditions or future air strikes. And if it looks like war, smells like war and quacks like war, it probably is war.

btw Annika, the Coalition actually offered the United States a combined offer of 80 Mil to compensate for the damage done to the London embassy. Uncle Sam rejected the offer. I do not think negotiations will continue.

People in Malaysia have been joking that India's Abdul Kalam will mail Bush the check –whether he accepts it or not– on the end of an Agni-3 long range missile. With a range of only 1,800 miles, Kalam certainly can't target the United States from the Bay of Bengal, but the idea becomes closer to a real possibility if you relocate the launch point to a position in the Caribbean sea. And if Bush is vacationing back home at the Prairie Chapel Ranch, well, then, BOOM, good-bye Crawford, Texas.

Nothing like a big ol' toxic hole smoldering between Dallas and Houston to give new meaning to the phrase 'Cowboys and Indians'!

So, Annika, I'm VERY happy you've returned to Canada. And Jasper & Terry, maybe you guys should join her! I'm not kidding! Head north? Magic Eight Ball says "YES"!

Bush has said ANY incursion onto U.S. territory will be considered an act of war. So, even a small, dedicated law enforcement team executing an extraction of Lowell could very well be responded to as a territorial breach, and not merely as a simple act of rendition.

Likewise Malaysian Prime Minister Badawi says of the U.S.:

"An elephant can wipe out an entire village, but he can't stop flies from landing on his back."

So, what do you think those two Indonesian patrol boats were doing in the Gulf anyway? And having traveled so far, do you think the Coalition will now leave the Gulf without securing Lowell?

By the way, lest anyone in the Unites States think this entirely a Muslim fueled situation, remind the Christian conservatives in Washington that it is the result of an attack on Muslim countries by Christian fanatics, and that the Coalition is 'Pan Moslem' in name only. Yes, it does include every member of the Islamic Conference, but it also includes Norway and Venezuela.

In fact, the Indian government considers the 7/27 event a series of attacks on the various populations of 'developing economies' –NOT an attack on Muslims specifically. But as a result, Hindus throughout India have joined Muslims in a spate of aggressive activities against that nation's Christian minority.

There was in fact one recent report of a group of Hindu extremists that was actually apprehended, literally caught with their pants down, while peeing on mission Bibles.

I suppose it wouldn't be the first time men used their dicks as a weapon.

Sadly, today also brought news that as Washington warned India and Indonesia to cool off their threats of nuclear capability, 61-year-old Kathy Ayob who was critically injured in the 7/27 attacks on the Petronas Towers (and has been hospitalized ever since), has finally succumbed to her injuries and passed away.

Rumors have also started to fly that Indonesia president Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono may be next on a CIA hit list and is slated to be toppled by covert western forces in light of his recent conflagratory remarks. Naturally, the Lashkar-e-Tayeba have declared an immediate jihad against the US. I think it's the fifth or sixth time they've done so this year.

'Allu Akbar' and all that –God is great– but I think you’ll agree:

However clever we suppose ourselves, human beings are still basically idiots.