Thursday, December 14, 2006

Hala,

I had been thinking –too much coffee, too little companionship– how, you may ask, will the Pan Moslem Coalition pay for a war?

Especially since most member countries are still considered 'third world' or 'developing nations', –if the are considered nations at all, and not a bunch of cobbled together fiefdoms, which in some cases is actually not so far from the truth.

My friends, Malaysia's newly elected forty-four year old Sultan Mizan Zainal Abidin's role may be largely ceremonial, but he did study International affairs in London. And as the nominal head of the Malaysian armed forces, he is also a man with a vision.

While talking with reporters this morning, Zainal Abidin suggested that if in the pursuit of international criminals, a 'limited invasion' of U.S. territory was incurred; Coalition Partners could defray the cost of occupation "with revenue seized from American technology companies."

Say what?

Said the Sultan:

"Thirty to Fifty billion of combined stock assets from the software sector, –such as from Microsoft, Apple, Google– will easily pay for the action."

BRILLIANT!

Back at the Al Jazeera London office, unemployed mercenaries, –ahem, I mean freelance 'professional consultants'– say that the Indian Congressional Budget Office estimates that the cost of a multilateral occupation in the US could be managed for a measley $7 to $20 billion a year. And officials also believe any incursion by Coalition forces into the U.S would require an occupation that could last a year or more.

Needless to say, people are giving this silly idea some serious thought.

But anyway, Google is presently valued at well over a hundred billion! Therefore, the Internet company could easily pay for at least one military 'action', and still have more than enough left over if it all goes sour and turns into a quagmire.

So maybe not a far fetched idea, after all?

Except that now Malay bureaucrats are scrambling to explain to the rest of the world what the Zainal Abidin really met:

Said a Malaysian National Security Council spokesman:

"Officially, Coalition leaders agree that software revenues could play an important role during an occupation period, but only–",

–add best bullshitting voice here–

"–For the benefit of United States citizens."

It may reek of fiasco to the west, but I think His Royal Majesty has his heart set on freeing the Americans from their imperial masters, and whether they want to be liberated, or not.

We now break from our usual programming so that I may share with you the following passage from the Quran, which to my mind now seems perfectly timely:

AL-ZILZAL: THE SHAKING

When Earth is shaken with her final earthquake
And Earth yieldeth up her burdens,
And man saith: What aileth her?
That day she will relate her chronicles,
Because thy Lord inspireth her.
That day mankind will issue forth in scattered groups to be shown their deeds.
And whoso doeth good an atom's weight will see it then,
And whoso doeth ill an atom's weight will see it then.


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Exactly!

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SIRAJ!